Chapter 1 (Part 3)

“Mister, I didn’t mean to upset you. But I think you’ve made a mistake. I’m not an imp.” The boy dropped the driftwood. Vlaad was on his feet now, swaying side to side.
“HA! That’s just what you wanted me to think isn’t it. I can see right through your disguise.” Vlaad’s vision had returned to full now and he could tell that it was a small boy he was shouting at. It also became apparent to him that he was standing on something that very much resembled a beach. “You can give your boss my compliments, he’s really gone that extra mile to disguise this place. Making it look like a beach! Genius! But I know his game, lull me in to a false sense of security, make little Vlaad think that Hell isn’t that bad… Then BANG!” Vlaad punched the air for emphasis. “Away with the cosy seaside resort, and hello Mr Fire and Mr Brimstone. Clever, but not clever enough to outsmart Vlaad ’Wings’ Kildare. And you, imp. Disguising yourself as a mere child. Absolutely brilliant. For there is no man alive who would strike down an innocent boy in anger.” Vlaad picked up the driftwood. The boy’s eyes widened in fear.
“Mister, I’m not an imp! I’m just a boy, I’m here on the beach with my parents.” The boy was starting to cry, and was regretting not listening to his parent’s earlier warnings.
“An alibi as well! You hellspawn really have gone above and beyond the call of duty this time.” Vlaad was walking slowly towards the boy, driftwood in hand. A small wet patch had formed around the boy’s feet.
“Mister, you’re not listening, I’m not an imp!” The boy was shaking in a puddle of his own fear. Partly through fear of the man nearing him waving a piece of driftwood threateningly, and partly through fear of what his parents would do to him when they found out he disobeyed them.
“Quiet imp! I tire with your pointless speech” Vlaad was getting dangerously close to the panic stricken child. When almost touching he stopped, and let out a laugh. “You know, after I crush you, I may even stop and work on my tan, no sense in letting your boss’ work go to waste. But do you think next time he could go for more of a winter motif? I’ve never been a beach fan myself.”
The boy looked confused, his puzzled look was ended abruptly as Vlaad raised the driftwood above his head.
“Goodbye hellspawn…” Vlaad was grinning again.
The boy raised his arms to shield his head. “Mister… You said that no man could ever hurt a mere child” He closed his eyes and awaited Vlaad’s wooden wrath.
Nothing happened. He counted to five, still nothing. Daring to find out what had made Vlaad stop he slowly opened one eye, then the other.
Vlaad had lowered his makeshift club to his side, and was gently tapping it against his leg. The boy moved his arms away from his head.
“Ten points for observation imp.” Vlaad was grinning “However, minus one million points for underestimating the fact that I, Vlaad ‘Wings’ Kildare am no normal man… And with that dear imp. I bid you farewell” Vlaad raised the driftwood above his head again. The boy screamed and ran.
“Stupid imp, get back here!” Vlaad gave chase, driftwood raised above his head, with a manic grin on his sand blasted face.
Mile after mile of sandy shore ensued as Vlaad hunted for his so called tormentor, countless rocks and pebbles disappeared over the horizon as he marched the beach, weapon in hand.
“Damn it… Where the hell has he got to” He went to throw his hat at the floor, before realising it was no longer planted on his head. “What the… Hat?” He patted his head, sort of hoping to find his headwear entangled amongst his hair. There was nothing there, just hair, and the occasional piece of seaweed.
“Imp, you’re lucky for now… But I’ll be back” He stood and pondered where his hat could be. It was a matter of necessity that he found it after all the trouble he’d gone through to steal it. And of course there was no denying the trans dimensional vortex which was contained within, enabling to Vlaad to conjure items from all corners of the universe, if it fell in to the wrong hands no one could stop them. Which is why it was of utmost importance that he found it. But how…

Chapter One (Part 2)

Vlaad’s common sense hadn’t quite kicked in yet, his body had realised that he was lying face down in the sand being washed up and down by waves. However it couldn’t really muster enough strength to have gotten round to telling his brain to do something about it, and so still, he lay there.
“You know, this whole sand thing isn’t too bad once you get used to it.” He muttered to himself. “All things considering… It could be worse.” And suddenly, it was.
Vlaad felt himself being moved, it was only slight, but he could definitely feel himself being rocked back and forth. It was too strong to be the wind, and the wrong direction to be the waves. Now this was something you couldn’t get used to, the sand was the least of his worries now.
“Please stop that” Vlaad groaned. The movement subsided slightly, he felt himself rock back to where he had been lying. “Thank you…” Vlaad was nothing if not polite, it made more sense that way, and caused less arguments.
No sooner had he relaxed, the rocking started once more, slightly more vigorous and considerably more painful this time around. Whoever or whatever was molesting him obviously had no manners, and most certainly could not respect that a man lying face down on a beach expected his privacy.
“What the hell is wrong with you… I said stop…” Vlaad propped himself up on his elbows, apart from vital breaths, this was the first time he’d lifted his head. The light from the summer sun hurt his eye and the glare from the sand certainly wasn’t helping. “Hmm… Sand… Heat…Blinding light” Vlaad noticed a deckchair being occupied by a grossly overweight man sleeping, the only thing covering his modesty being an over stretched pair of swimming trunks. “…Fat people… I must be in hell…” The rocking continued, Vlaad rolled over on to his back. “And thus the eternity of annoying torture begins… Very interesting punishment though me thinks…Very original… Poked for all eternity… Come then ‘Oh Great Demon’ show me your face, if I’m supposed to be hating this, at least show me who I’m supposed to be hating.”
Vlaad turned to look at his so called tormentor. Standing over his body was a small plump boy wielding a piece of driftwood which he was proceeding to nudge Vlaad’s ribs with.
The boy smiled, “Hi mister. Are you ok?” He lowered the driftwood to his side.
Vlaad grinned, the light from the sun was still causing him to squint. He was still staring at the boy, however instead of seeing a small child carrying a dry piece of wood, Vlaad saw a tiny imp brandishing a sword. He stopped grinning.
“Am I ok?” Vlaad sat up quickly causing the boy to take a step back. “I’m lying in the pits of hell, and they send an imp to torture me. Does your boss not know who I am? He should have been here himself to do this, not some lowly hellspawn. Second of all, this imp has the audacity to ask-”
“What does audacity mean mister?” The boy cut Vlaad short.
“It means shut your stinking face imp…” Vlaad shouted, the boy looked upset. “Anyway, this stupid imp has the cheek to ask if I’m ok. Of course I’m not bloody ok… I’m stuck in the underworld being poked for eternity by some satanic midget with a superiority complex.” Vlaad was getting to his feet.

Chapter One...

As the sea lapped the beach, normality ensued. The birds were singing loudly as they flew through the clear blue sky,. The wind blew gently stirring the leaves and moving loose sand. People strolled happily along the shore laughing merrily without a care in the world. In fact, it was the perfect summer’s day, and it was on this day, and on this beach that our hero Vlaad found himself, face down in the sand, with waves breaking over his head.
Passers by were walking over and around him, as far as they were concerned he was part of the scenery. Something to look at, but not something to interact with. These people had learnt long ago that in the town of Riverhaven, a coastal town famous for it’s history of smugglers and pirates, messing with matters that didn’t concern you soon earned you an early grave, and Vlaad just happened to be one of these matters.
Covered in seaweed, sand and seashells Vlaad lay there groaning, lifting his head slightly now and again to stop himself from suffocating. As he raised his head for air, the sand which had formed small hills on and around his head cascaded off in a small waterfall to join the beach. His face soon found the sand again and he let out a small sigh of discomfort, it seemed sand was not the most hospitable place for a person to lie.
Shaking off some of the sand, an arm appeared from beneath the seaweed covered coat that seemed to conceal Vlaad’s figure. It was one of those long coats, which people who generally had something to hide wore. At some point it was probably black, but through wear and tear, and being covered in copious amounts of sand, it was touching on a dirty brown colour. His collar was pulled up covering a mass of matted long white hair. Where the sand was touching the sea, it had caked itself to his face, leaving him more beach than skin.
“Pfft… Stupid sand” Vlaad raised his head once more. He brought his arm round and wiped the sand off of his face, revealing travel beaten features and a time worn eye patch carelessly plastered over his left eye.
Vlaad wasn’t the most handsome of men, though he had the worn characteristics that some found attractive, it was the eye patch that he felt was his major failing. As it made him look more like a villain, not to mention the impairment to his depth perception. He lay his arm down on sand and put his head down on it. “Really, why the hell does there have to be so much of it?”
He raised his head again, a wave broke over the shoreline behind him and covered him in cold salty water. Vlaad shivered, sending more sand tumbling back to whence it came from. Around him people continued to walk by, a family had settled down near to him and were currently putting up a parasol to shield their children from the sun. For them it was another day at the beach. There were three of them, the traditional family. Dad sitting on a deckchair reading the morning’s newspaper, Mum in charge of the picnic, rubbing sun cream on her shoulders and the ever present small boy, overweight, blonde mop of hair, perpetually running round with his bucket and spade and getting in people’s way. At this current moment he was being scolded.
“And if I see you going anywhere near whatever that is, we‘ll go straight home.” The mother was pointing at Vlaad’s body, unbeknownst to Vlaad, who was still breathing through a pile of sand. “I mean it, if you even look at it, we’ll turn the car around and go right back home, won’t we honey” She looked at her husband.
“Listen to your mother” More interested in the goings on of the local sports team, the boy’s dad issued a reply from behind the newspaper. The boy nodded and ran off longingly towards the sea, bucket and spade in tow.